And it is good.

I just saw Synecdoche, New York. It's Charlie Kaufman's new movie. It was... It's the day after Christmas, and that's a relief more than I thought it would be. But Steph is playing and writing next to me which is more pleasant than I thought. It's warming up in here finally, my dashboard says its 48 degrees here in LA. Not that that's unbearably cold, but it's chilly, there's no denying. 

"The more we know someone, the more we disappoint them, and they us." And I guess if you don't want to disappoint anyone, you kind of have to lower your expectations of others so as to never be disappointed by them either. That doesn't leave much room for doing anything. Cause I guess once your expectations are low enough, your life begins to mirror what you expect from it. It is awful funny being in a city so big, and feeling alone. Alone because everyone is still at home for Christmas. Well, nearly everyone. It feels like everyone. I can't believe I've never been in love. And how ironic now that I'm not even sure it exists. Romantic love, not love of mankind or anything. That I can jump on board with for sure. 

Have you ever had the experience where you feel as if you are a part of the music your are playing or listening to. As if it moves through you and you move as a part of it. All of you moving in the direction of truth, beauty, good things. I guess it's been happening more and more, and I think it's beginning to save me. Why there is hope in music I couldn't even begin to explain. But, it is community. And it is good. And it is rectifying, and redeeming. It's a struggle, therefore makes you grow. Makes you see what it is that really matters. 

Everything can just get so contrived and convoluted sometimes that you loose yourself in something that was never meant to be so complex.